I did it

Well, I made the call. There was a lapse between the time it took to get in touch with the Medical Director and book an actual appointment, but I did it, and I'll be seeing my new psychiatrist the end of April. It's sort of far away, but it gives me a date in my head at least. I feel better after finally setting that up. I didn't think I would, mainly because I feel like I literally am crazy and having to be evaluated sort of makes me cringe. But I need to make sure I am on the right medications moving forward and keep everything sorted out. Hopefully my psychiatrist will be able to set me up with a good therapist too.

Things have been much better at home since the "throwdown." I think John feels better that we were able to talk about everything openly, and we're doing what we can to move on. This week has flown by pretty quickly, but I feel like there is peace between us. I'm happy that we're spending even more time together, too. He's been more willing to just sit with me, and I feel good that he's not running away from me like he seemed to be before.

This weekend I am heading to my parents' with Logan, and John is going to stay here with Dexter. I think it'll be good to have a little break from each other. Since we're going to my parents' for Easter the end of April, I didn't want to force John to have to go twice, and he's not really into birthday parties anyway, so I thought I would just go alone and he can stay and get some things done around the house and do a little studying for a certification he has to get.

I feel like I don't talk about Logan much. John and I were talking last night about how good of a baby he is. He really is so well-behaved and such a sweetheart. Lately, he'll crawl around on the floor up to me, stand up, and reach for hugs. It melts my heart. We even took him with us to the city when we had to go on base to get our taxes done, and he was so good the entire time. I know all parents must think this, but I feel like we really have the best baby. We're starting to see his personality come out more and more, and it's a lot of fun. He loves to read books and is addicted to Baby Einstein. He loves learning and exploring his world, just like his daddy. His new favorite thing is standing up holding onto the potty. I don't know what it is about the toilet, but kids are fascinated. I guess he'll start trying to flush it next. He's doing great with his motor skills- he can crawl, stand up, sit down, cruise, climb stairs, pinch food in his fingers, drink out of a sippy cup, and he's starting to learn to do High-5s and wave hi/bye. My smart little guy. We're just waiting for him to say some actual words since all he does now is speak gibberish.

So despite my lows, I guess I still was able to do it- I still was able to continue raising such a great little boy. I know John and I are capable of keeping it up together, and as I get better and better, it will only get easier.