Another good day

I feel like I'm floating. It's hard to say, but I feel like I have a peace inside that I can't explain. I say that it's "hard to say" only because there have been many times where I felt the same way only to find myself back in a pit...

I'm not sure what I attribute this new satisfaction to, but I don't want it to end. I've been keeping up with my diet, and on the scale Saturday I was down 5 lbs. In a week. Talk about taking control! I'm doing well so far this week, but I have a slight feeling that I could do better. I guess it's still that voice inside of me that rears its ugly head every now and again, telling me I need to push harder, go further, move faster.

Maybe my meds are what has been masking that voice. I finally sent the link to my blog to Nellie last week, and she gave me well thought-out feedback on my thoughts. I'm still processing everything that she brought up. I thought it would be a good idea to finally open the blog up to those that I'm particularly close with, and also other people out there in internetland that struggle with both post partum disorders and anxiety/depression in general. I felt like since I was making progress that it was a good time to share, but maybe not. Would it inspire hope that others know I can beat it, and that others who struggle can beat it too? Or is it discouraging for people to see me go up so high and fall so low?

Sometimes I think I'm bipolar- hence the title of my blog "To the moon- and back." Sometimes I feel like I'm flying up so high and everything comes crashing down. Nellie pointed out to me that I've had A LOT of changes in my life the past couple years. I won't deny that. Maybe the constant change, even though they are "happy" events, have caused me to feel like I lost control somewhere along the way. I've really put off seeing someone for a long time. It's now been 2 months since I first saw my doctor about everything, and while I feel good, I know I need to clear my head and seek out that voice that I hate so much to discover why it's been there, face it, and suppress it for good while I'm three steps ahead. I don't know why it's so hard for me to make the phone call, but thinking about it just makes me want to run.

I'm going to keep my feet planted.