One foot in front of the other

It's been awhile. I've been pretty busy lately, so I keep forgetting to give myself time to write. And to be honest, I'd rather sleep!

I went to see my psychiatrist on Saturday and she was asking me about my new meds and how everything is going. I am seeing some side effects, mainly being lethargic. I am so tired lately that I've found myself needing to nap in the afternoons just to make it through the day. She wants me to up the meds and take one pill in the afternoon to get me through that sleepiness that comes right around late afternoon. Hopefully that helps.

We had a good last couple of weekends. Things have been nice and calm at home, despite a cranky teething boy.

We recently signed up for an 8K that will be next Saturday morning. It's going to be so hard, but I really wanted to push myself. If I can do it, then I know I can make it through the 10K in August, which was my goal earlier this spring. We ran another 5K on Father's Day, and it was pretty humid and hilly, but I still pushed really hard since I found happiness in passing other people, even with a stroller :)

The weight loss has been extremely slow these days. I've barely lost anything in the past month. I've been really splurging at all the BBQs, picnics, and birthday parties on weekends, but I bust my butt with my workouts. I've sort of plateaued I guess, but I'm trying to remember that I don't have too far to go, and that it will be slower since I'm closer to my goal. Yesterday, I didn't have any cake at the birthday party we went to, and that took A LOT for me to do. I just had a bite of John's. And I survived! Just gotta keep my focus on my goal still and remember that eating cake every weekend won't get me there.

Last weekend, I bought the Weight Watchers pedometer, so I've been putting that on everyday to see how many PointsPlus I burn each day. I was surprised to see that I burn an average of 3 each day, so I do get a lot of movement in, and that's not counting the points I get from working out. The pedometer so far has been a positive experience because, again, it keeps me focused on every step I take and every action I take. I can focus on just moving one foot in front of the other, and that soon enough, I will be where I want to be- mentally and physically.

A Letter to Myself

Dear Rachel,

3.5 months. That's all you have. 3.5 months to get those last 18 lbs off to hit goal at Weight Watchers and be ready for the cruise. You can do it, but it won't be easy! That means at least 1 lb a week needs to come off. 1 lb. Kick up the exercise, put down the treats, and make it happen. You DESERVE this and are WORTH it! You deserve to look amazing in your clothes and feel great. You are worth the hours of time it'll take working out. And if you ever think otherwise, just keep looking at this letter and about all the work you've done so far. Seriously. 66 lbs heavier, did you ever think you could do it? Well, you did, and that means you can keep doing it. 18 lbs is nothing in comparison to what you've already achieved. Keep your focus, hold your head high, and be proud of what you've done and what you continue to do. You're going to be one hot mama!

Love,

Yourself

One

One. My baby is one. Time, while it seems so slow sometimes, has whipped me in the face and run away with my tiny baby. And where did it go? I can't even begin to understand... understand how fast a year has gone. All I can say is that I have one happy, healthy little boy now, and I can't be more thankful for that.

I made it (through the week, that is.) One day at a time. I mentioned in my last post how my mother in law was here for 9 days. It seems like an eternity but taking it one day at a time works. And I was able to enjoy Logan's birthday- he and I went to run some errands and had frozen yogurt together. It's so fun to watch him try new things- he loves frozen yogurt, but it's highly entertaining watching him try new flavors. Thursday, John left for a 1 day trip, and I was extremely angry with him for scheduling the trip while his mother was visiting, but I didn't really even see her much since I was working and not feeling well. My cold was still kicking my butt come Friday, so I went to the doctor to get something to help.

Saturday was John's birthday, so we went for a nice run in the morning, had Indian food for lunch, and then went to a carnival in the afternoon. Logan wasn't really into the rides, but it was fun watching him on them. I was surprised that they let him on some of the kiddie rides. Sunday we went to one of Logan's friend's birthday parties and then went to the Vintage Virginia 2011 Wine Festival. It was extremely hot and sticky, but the wine was great and we came home with 3 bottles.

Saturday morning I did see my psychiatrist. It was nice that she was understanding about my feelings for my meds and she did write me a script for something new- Lexapro. I still haven't been able to drop off the Rx, but I'm going to do it today. She said that women who take it report having better "sexy time" experiences, so let's hope it helps me too. Other than that, I may have some side effects. She said that it's common to have a loss of appetite around lunchtime, since I'll have to take the medication in the morning. I may also get jittery in the morning. But she thinks overall, I'll feel better on it. It seems I've made good progress with my anxiety, but I am starting to feel depressive symptoms, so I'm looking forward to the change in medication.

Last night we blew up the baby pool and put Logan in the water. He LOVED it! It's going to be such a great summer watching him play in the pool. He was crawling all around, splashing, playing with duckies, playing with the bouncy ball. It's just so endearing watching him when he is so happy. We took some videos and pictures, so I'll have to share them.

Elizabeth left this morning, and now I'm trying to get some work done. I'm working at home because Laura, our nanny, was still going to be in NY. She was doing an 18 mile walk for suicide prevention this weekend, so I needed to be home with Logan today. I worry about work sometimes with my crazy schedule- I had to actually leave a client meeting on Thursday because of my insane coughing fit, which is why I ended up going to the doctor Friday, but I felt extremely awful about having to leave. Ultimately, I was being more disruptive by trying to stick it out though. I just get nervous that since I'm not in the office full-time already and then these little things come up that keep me out during my normal work hours, they might not see me as a huge asset and end up getting rid of me early or not extending my contract at the end of October. My job is pretty perfect and I don't want to lose it! Ugh, deep breath- I have to remind myself to just take it one day at a time and do the best that I can.