Falling

Yesterday, I fell. Hard. I had such a great day on Wednesday only to crash Thursday. I can probably attribute it to all the fighting that's been going on at home and my period, plus stress at work. I had some of those awful thoughts come back, which is the first time since I've been on my meds. With the fighting escalating, I know it's time and I'm ready to talk to someone. Something needs to change.

I ended up staying 2 hours late at work yesterday to lead a meeting that my boss was late to, so I was pretty stressed out after that and having to drive an hour and a half before I got home. John made a really good dinner since he got home early from a conference that was over around 2, so at least my nanny wasn't stuck here. After that, I feel like things got ugly. We just keep fighting about stupid things. He hasn't even come to bed any night this week before midnight, always up playing video games. Last night I talked to my mom about the way I've been feeling about the issues in my marriage, and she thinks we just need to talk to each other and spend time together. She's right, but I'm just so angry that I have no desire to talk to him. He's been hurtful and disrespectful. I thought about leaving for the weekend to go to my parents and to see my niece at the ice show, but since the show is late tonight, it wouldn't work out for Logan. So I'm stuck here figuring out how I can get out tonight alone. I have no interest in being home and trying to put on a happy face for the friends he has coming over.

I feel so low right now and just want to hide in bed.