This face

This face is what gives me peace. Everyone has commented that he's such a happy boy and he really is. I have to know in my heart that he's happy because of everything that John and I have done for him as parents. It's such a heartwarming little face! I mean, just look at him :)

I've been doing pretty well lately. I'm getting nervous since my psychiatrist appointment is next Wednesday, but I'm sure I don't really have anything to worry about. Worrying is what I do, so I won't really be at ease until it's over.

Everything at home is really good. I'm officially down 10 lbs since starting Weight Watchers. It's nice to be able to fit into old clothes again and buy new things in smaller sizes. I'm definitely on my way to my goal. I think I just need to keep being as active as I can be. Shouldn't be too hard with the beautiful weather we've had. Some days, I really look forward to taking Logan and Dexter out for a walk. Some days, I just want to hide, but I have to keep my focus on the positives.

I've been doing a lot of birthday party shopping for Logan. Having a party will be really fun I think. I love planning things like that, so that's been keeping me busy. I have most of the decorations and things that I need, so we'll just need to make a trip to the grocery store before the party to get all the food. There are some projects I'm working on- I'm making centerpieces out of lollipops and M&Ms, Logan's birthday hat, invitations, and display cards for the food (since his party is the Very Hungry Caterpillar theme, I wanted to print out the story on cards to put next to all the fruit that the caterpillar eats in the story.) It makes me feel good to be doing a lot of these things myself instead of buying them. I want him to have the best party! Hopefully we will be seeing a lot of his sweet "cheese face" for his birthday. Only about 6 weeks left!

It's been hard for me to think about how big Logan is getting. He's almost a toddler at this point. I miss my little baby so much, but I do find myself not going as crazy with a little one who is not as dependent on me. While giving up breastfeeding was difficult, it has given me a lot more freedom. And the older he gets, the more freedom I have since he can do more for himself. It's really fun watching him grow. Now if only I could just sit back, relax, and enjoy the ride! I find lots of enjoyment in being a mother, but the bad times still pull me down. But I'm working on it. One step at a time.