Prescription filled

So there we have it. My prescription for Prozac is filled. I've decided I will start taking it tonight. It's time. I can't keep fearing this anymore. Next step- call a psychiatrist and get all the insurance stuff sorted out. I'm sure I'll research the hell out of it, like I always do for everything.

I've had yet more conversations with my mom and John, and I've been able to better understand all of what I'm feeling. I guess that's one of the first steps. I just wonder where all of the obsessive compulsive behaviors I had came from. Even my mom, who I've always joked has OCD, really isn't. She knows what things are important and which are not- which ones to worry about, and which ones she can just brush off her sleeve. I, on the other hand, obsess about everything and anything. Where did I learn that? And why has it consumed me and everything I do?

I got an email from Logan's old nanny, who is about my age and has a daughter of her own, about doing a switch off with the babies so that we each could get some "me" time during the week, and also do a date night where John and I watch her daughter while she and her husband go out, and another night she and her husband watch Logan while we go out. I thought it was a great idea. And then I remembered that if I'm not 100% able to care for my own child on my bad days, then I can't possibly care for hers too. I had to tell her what I've been going through, but that I would be interested in getting together for lunch with the babies to keep in touch. She understood, and actually opened the door for me to vent to her, or call her if I needed to talk. It really means a lot, and I hope that in the future, we will be able to work something out with watching each other's kids. I just know I have a lot of work to do before I get there. It's nice to have someone to lean on in the meantime, someone who has had a baby recently too and can relate to some of the feelings I have.

Somehow I'm really tired tonight, and I think I will be able to fall asleep quickly. I've been struggling for so long with not being able to fall ashleep. Sorting this out in my head is already helping.