1 week later

I can't even believe it's been a week since I last updated. That flew! So I've officially been taking my meds for a week, and I'm not sure I feel very much different. I guess I need to give it some time. Time will tell if it's really what will give me the boost I need. But I think I can say that I feel ok. I think it's possible that it has had more of an effect on Logan. I read that Prozac does cause some irritability in infants since it does enter the milk. I am still nursing Logan in the morning and at night before bed, but I'm not sure he's even getting much anymore. It could just be teeth. Whatever the heck it is, it sucks.

The long weekend was nice, but I was definitely ready to go back to work Wednesday. We didn't do anything huge- had some friends over Saturday night for dinner and just hung out a bunch. I sort of got into the habit of having a few drinks, which I know isn't the best for my meds. I figure one drink isn't going to do anything. Tuesday was one of my hardest days in a long time. Logan was particularly difficult- he just wanted to scream the whole day, which could circle back to the teething, but I was ready to throw myself out the window. I called John at 4pm begging him to come home and take Logan from me. He did, and brought ice cream and flowers with him. He knows on days that I call that it's bad. I don't like to admit that I can't handle it, but sometimes I have to. I'm lucky John has been understanding. It was nice having him cook dinner too so I could just unwind from such an awful day.

So as I was saying, Wednesday was necessary for me. I've come to understand that I NEED to work. As hard as it is for me to say, I was never meant to be a stay at home mother. I like having the time away and to feel like I'm contributing to my family in a way independent from raising kids. Having stayed home with Logan for the first 5 months, I do know what it's like and really respect moms that do it. Even on my days off, I see how hard it is. Add anxiety to that and it's a million times worse. I'm not sure how healthy I would be if I continued to be at home all the time. I think in a way, working has saved me.

John was away from Wednesday until today. Logan's been pretty good, so I can't complain too much about having to be alone with him for a few days. But I am looking forward to having John back. Today I had my old nanny over that I had mentioned in my last post. It was nice having her here, and I realized we really do have a few of the same issues. While I know it's hard for any mother to go through, it's sort of nice to be able to have someone to talk about it with and know that I'm not alone in some of the feelings I have. We had a good lunch and good conversation.

My parents are coming tomorrow. It's been a long time since they've been here- I guess Halloween was the last time. I like having my parents around and wish I could see them more. John is going to be away this coming Monday until Saturday, so my mom will come back down Thursday and stay until Saturday so that I'm not alone as long. John is away a lot within the next few weeks, so I'll be happy to have my mom around to help.

I'm actually pretty excited about my birthday. We ordered my cake last weekend and it will be ready tomorrow. Yum! It feels good to have something to be excited about. I also booked my flight to Key West in February. It'll be great to have a break from the cold. It's supposed to be in the single digits tonight, so I am definitely craving the warmth and sun. A family vacation sounds very replenishing.

I feel ok.