The beginning

I've been thinking for awhile how I've wanted to start a blog, and I feel that now I'm in the place where I not only want to get my thoughts out in words, but need to. It's interesting- as I was sitting here setting up the blog I was thinking of what to name it. I couldn't come up with anything, until I remembered some of my biggest reasons for needing to put thoughts into words. Last night I was reading my son Guess How Much I Love You by Sam McBratney, and I had remembered the final words of the book.

"I love you right up to the moon- and back."

It resonated in my mind for hours last night, and I was so restless that I couldn't find sleep easily. I just kept thinking of how that exact thought has begun to consume my life and how the phrase "right up to the moon- and back" is a good description of where I am emotionally.

I finally was just able to admit to my husband the struggles that I am facing once again. In high school, I was diagnosed with Bulimia Nervosa and Depression. My whole senior year was a battle within my head and a path to recovery. From individual therapy and psychiatrist visits to outpatient group care at one of Philadelphia's eating disorder treatment centers to sessions with a nutritionist, I did it all. And I thought I had said goodbye to it all. But here I am again, 7 months after giving birth to my first baby, and all I can feel is some of those old feelings, and new ones that I have never been so afraid to experience. I decided this blog would be a way for me to help work through some of the triumphs and struggles that I experience in my life and hopefully share my story with others who experience similar ones. Or to just share my story with people who care- the ones who are there for me everyday, constantly giving me the support and smiles I need. To all of you, I want to say thank you for everything you do. You give me strength.