It's finally May, and I don't know how to feel. I've been taking my increased dosage of meds for almost 2 weeks now, and I still am not seeing much of a difference. Things have been particularly calm lately, so maybe the meds change just hasn't been tested yet. I just don't know. I'm not really looking forward to going back to see my psychiatrist on Saturday. Sure, my first visit with her went smoothly, but I'm ready to wipe my hands clean of the whole mess. I want it to be gone and I want to feel normal and not be controlled by medication. I am scared of what I would be like off of it though.
Logan turned 11 months yesterday. 11 months. Honestly, where does the time go? I miss my little baby so much. While he's getting so much more interactive, I just want him to stay little. He's been taking his first steps the past week- it's a lot of fun to see, but it makes me want to freeze time. Most of my anxiety has come from the fear and anticipation I have of "the next big thing"- the next life-changing event, the next trip, the next move, the next job... I think I've spent so much of my life fretting over the next big thing that I've failed to enjoy the moments while they come. So the fact that I do want to freeze time might just be a good thing because it shows that I am slowing down, that I am focused on "the now" and not what's coming next.
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