The party was a great success though- I got a lot of compliments about how cute the details were and I was pretty happy with how everything turned out. I guess all my hard work paid off and I had a very happy little birthday boy :)
I'll start of by saying I had no idea my mother in law was coming until 4 days before. She came Friday and is staying until this coming Monday. 9 days. 9 whole days for me to get more and more stressed out and unhappy. I don't even know what else to say other than each new visit with her gets more and more painful. I try to be nice, I try to bite my tongue, but how many times can someone just be quiet before they snap? I'm getting very close to snapping, so I find the best way to avoid it is just to hide. But I don't want to hide from my baby and John. It's supposed to be a special time for us with his birthday tomorrow, but I'm having a hard time being able to keep cool and enjoy the time with him when I have someone who annoys the hell out of me in my house. Today I'm at work, which I don't usually do on Tuesdays, but I wanted tomorrow off to be able to spend the day with the birthday boy. And since John is not taking any time off, you can be sure that I will be out of the house with Logan all day, just the two of us, to enjoy our day in peace. I did not sign on for having Elizabeth around while John is not....
I stopped taking my meds. I know it might not have been the best idea with the stressful week I've had, but I've noticed that my mood has been sort of "off" with them lately. I haven't actually taken them in about 5 days after a pill got stuck in my chest and I felt like it was stuck there for 2 days. Sometimes that happens when I take them at night and then lay down to sleep afterwards. I see my psychiatrist on Saturday morning, so we'll see what she says, but I can't keep doing what I'm doing (not taking them) and I can't go back to what I was doing when I was taking them. Last time I saw her she prescribed a provitamin to take with the Prozac so that I would respond better to it, but after I was through with the samples and went to pick up the prescription, they told me it was going to be $89 since my insurance doesn't cover it. $89? No thanks. So I need a different option.
I'll be blunt and say that the medication has partially been responsible for my lack of interest in.... ummm... "sexy time." It makes for a really unhappy husband. John has started to refer to it as the "abstinence pill." It's probably a combination of that and the birth control pill I'm on, but my next gynecologist visit isn't until mid June. So it'll be awhile yet until I can get that changed as well. I want to feel normal again- the past weeks I haven't and I've really felt off track with my weight loss too (mainly because of parties and celebrations going on, but I also haven't felt committed like I was before.) Something needs to change- I just want to hide.
On top of everything, I'm still sick. I was extremely sick 2 weeks ago and it's still lingering, so I probably need to get to the doctor. Logan caught it for awhile, but he seems to be better. He got a pretty nasty stomach bug too after his party, probably from everything he ate, but he seems to have kicked it. Poor buddy.
I can't believe I am here, 1 day before my baby's birthday, extremely unhappy and feeling like an emotional mess. I want tomorrow to be very special for him, so hopefully I can get past the ill feelings I have about Elizabeth's poor visit and just focus on Logan. He deserves a spectacular day, and I'll do my best to give it to him!
No comments:
Post a Comment