Blown into flame again

“Sometimes our light goes out but is blown again into flame by an encounter with another human being. Each of us owes the deepest thanks to those who have rekindled this inner light.”
― Albert Schweitzer

I'm going to try to explain it...

Somewhere in the last few moths, my flame again went out. However, like it did long ago, it was blown back into a flame. I've started thinking about myself and what I value about my life and what I bring to other peoples' lives, and I've realized that it's the best way to describe me. Sometimes I am a flame, glowing strong and proud. Other times, I flicker when the wind blows. And sometimes, when that wind gets strong enough, my light goes out, and I live in darkness for awhile. But I know there will always be someone in my life to rekindle my heart and my spirit and make me glow once again. To each and every one of you who read my blog, you are those people, and one in specific (you know who you are). I can't thank you enough.

I'm writing this because something happened to me this last weekend and I had a breakthrough. I can't really explain it, but I just have an overwhelming sense of happiness with how things are. In the midst of what's to come with moving out of our home and rearranging Logan's whole life, I still felt really happy about where we're going.

I think it was Laura... We finally got word from her that she will be unable to come with us. It was heartbreaking, but I know she needs to do what's best for her and her family. However, even being in a heartbreaking situation, where in any normal circumstance my light would be blown out, I kept steady and strong. For one of the first times in awhile, I dealt with my feelings, and I cried it out. And it felt good to have that kind of release- to acknowledge how much I care for her and want the best for her in her life. She's amazing with Logan, and she will be irreplaceable, but I'm still so greatful for the things she's done for us. I'm not sure I would have made it through this last year without her. She kept me on track, she kept me balanced, and she taught me things I never would have known about parenting. Her family is so lucky to have her, and I feel lucky to have had her and to have known her. That doesn't mean it still doesn't hurt, but I feel like she's given me the tools to do the best job I can do. She really helped bring me back to life when I was in such a hard place last year.

I also found out last week that after we move to GA, it's unlikely that I can keep my job. They will allow me to work from home and come in if needed while we are staying with my parents in PA, but in GA, I'll just be too far and they need someone to be closer to the projects I work on. Now, they do have some potential work coming down the pipe for the CDC in Atlanta, which would be awesome, but it's a big "if." Right now the one girl at work is traveling down there once a week, and she hates flying. It would be perfect for me to work from home on that project and go in once a week to Atlanta to meet with folks and gather info I need. We'll have to wait until June to see if that would be possible, but in the meantime, it's time to build up my job searching efforts.

So there it is. A LOT on my plate, yet I'm still glowing strong (pun intended) :) I think in the past I have had a good sense of when I will flicker, and I don't see that coming down the line. It's a really good place to be in with all this change, a place I haven't been in before when change happens all at once. That's a REALLY good thing.